I’ll have a pizza with extra gimmick, please

Someone commented to me on Facebook, “You live in Brooklyn, but ordered Domino’s pizza?” Why yes, yes I did.

All hail the Domino's pizza tracker, perhaps the best application of the Internet since porn

Tempted by their 2 pizzas for $5.99 promo, I was elated when the above pizza tracker was emailed to me after I placed my online order.  It tells me precisely what time my pie is processed, made, put in the oven, QC’d* and sent out for delivery, and who exactly is doing each step.  It’s riveting. I’m not kidding. Although the guys didn’t quite appreciate me interrupting the Jets playoff game with updates, a la, “GUYS, GUYS!!! Jonathan just put our pizzas in the oven!!”

So yes, it’s enough for me to order from Domino’s, even though I live in the pizza capital of the world. Must be the Long Island in me.

* Quality control needs a little Quality Control itself… our “pepperoni/ green pepper” came with sausage instead of the meat we selected. Jonathan’s “double check” is a bit questionable. We have a free pie credited to our account, though I’d have to call, eliminating my ability to track my pizza. Don’t know if it’s worth it.

And this, son, is how you get picked for a focus group

A timely follow up to the recounting of my side career as a focus group attendee…

I was thinking that it would have been funny if we had a camera ready when the focus group lady called the other day. Lucky for everyone, I got another screener call as I was hoping into the shower– sexy!–  and the camera was ready.

Watch and learn the steps to successfully getting selected for a focus group, with a real time demo. It could use some editing, but I’m lucky to have my computer on for 5 minutes at a time without blue screening.

I’ve been working on the railroad

I am a pretty pretty good interviewer. If only I could keep the Hollie show going for more than short bursts. Maybe I SHOULD try sales! Will was a little too excited when I told him at the station that I’m sick of talking today.

Anywho, I love love Amtrak if not for the stressless ride than for the snack car!

Stay Focused

I am writing this post as I listen to Hollie “at work” on the phone. Minutes ago a phone call awoke her from a mid afternoon nap and to our delight it was a call recruiting for a focus group next week. Focus groups have been a nice source of extra income, that Hollie has been gleefully garnering over the past 18 months.*

Hollie put this call on speakerphone so i could enjoy. Some highlights:

- Apparently Hollie is currently making a six figure salary (then – why is she not paying rent??? Sounds like a far cry from the $387/week she gets from the good people of the Empire State gov’t.)

-  Hollie visits Google News at least 12 times per week. (umm – I think she is confusing Google News with TMZ)

- To the question “when was the last time you did a focus group”, Hol responded: “Not sure..Had to be years ago. I think it was for credit cards” (or maybe a few weeks ago, for the second iphone focus group she’s attended in the last 3 months)

- Focus group participants are not supposed to have worked – or know someone who has worked –  in PR, Marketing or Media. (if one were to look at resumes in the Home Office: check, check and …check!)

pretty soon Hollie is going to have to wear wigs and disguises. there's only so many times (at the same facilities) that the opinionated readhed can slip under the radar

*If there was such a thing as a  professional focus-grouper, I think that would be Hollie’s calling. I’ve never seen someone so giddy over the possibility to spend an hour and a half with 8-12 strangers, expressing her opinion, stretching the truth**, and eating free salty snacks and soda. The $100-$200 cash ain’t bad either.

**In the past, I’ve overhead Hollie on the screening calls describing what baby strollers she uses, what kind of food our cats eat and her local political activism. In case you didn’t know: we have no kids or cats and the only interaction Hollie has with local politicians is apologizing to them if Caya sticks her snoot in their pants when they ring the doorbell.

Business idea

You know how in “Knocked Up” the guys are trying to make a web site documenting the naked scenes in every movie?

I am going to launch DogBarkMovies.com

My dog goes absolutely ape shit whenever she hears a dog in a movie. And it’s not like you need to be watching Air Bud or Beethoven or Snow Dogs. There can be a barely discernible, dog somewhere in the background of a busy city scene (as we learned while watching Taxi Driver), that you would not normally notice if it wasn’t for Lucaya knocking over whatever is in the way between her and the window to go check it out.

We just watched Cool Hand Luke last night and the prison escape scenes were barely tolerable… the blood hounds chasing sexy Paul Newman nearly gave my dog a coronary.

I think I might actually get going on DogBarkMovies.com. To know where to fast forward to not have to deal with an out of control, mouth foaming dog would be great. Investors, please come forward.  Or others who might like to watch movies and document any scene in which a dog starts barking.

Birthday wishes

Happy birthday to the youngest member of the Home Office, Baby Lucaya

She might be 2 today, but we will continue to tell people she's "just over a year" until she stops jumping/ lunging/ attacking puppies/ stealing gloves/ not coming when she is called/ blatently ignoring any commands we fruitlessly order

Does the Hula Hoop Union have a health plan?

The big NYC snow storm happened exactly a week after Festivus .  We needed to get out of the house and ye olde buzz on since we  had a stressful snowy drive back from the latest stop on the 1 year old birthday party circuit. We had a solid 10 minute walk home from the pub where we watched some sporting event (I can’t recall what we needed to see, but it required walking far in the snow to find a place that had it on TV AND food). By the time we left, it was nutso snowing out, so that 10 minute walk became 20.

Snow storm got ya down? What else to do but 2 man pub crawl all the way home!

The last bar closest to home, Bar 4, is not my favorite place. It’s loud, often has live music, and is filled with people no older than 25 years old.  We walked in and it was the same old scene, and I was just about to suggest that we forget it and go home, when… I hear an announcement that it was the last chance to buy raffle tickets before the first performances started.  It ends up, God Bless Brooklyn, that we stumbled upon some theater troupe’s holiday party.  A pretty girl in a bomber jacket, goggles, and mini skirted Santa gear sits next to us, tells us she’s the Sleigh Driver, then takes a shot of whiskey. Take off your coat, honey, we’re staying a while.

To our delight, the first act was called to the stage and it was no other than the Sleigh Driver herself, who apparently is a professional hula hooper.  She had a whole pin up style hula hoop performance set to Feliz Navidad. The whole time I’m thinking, “how does one get into this, and how did opportunities like being a professional hula hooper pass me by?”

After some diligent googling, Will was able to find the profile of the hula hooper, pictured here at an event, on a hula hooping community web site. And here I was thinking he was networking on LinkedIn all day.

Best part — one of the raffle prizes was a personal hula hoop lesson with her!  I could not stop thinking about how this would had all played out if Festivus was that night. I know at least one friend who would have proposed to her, and another who would have spent about $2000 on raffle tickets to win the lesson (only to win season tickets to the troupe’s performances, I’m sure).

That chick has nothing on me hula hooping on Main St in Disney World. Just about as sexy. Just about.

Happy New Year, Maaaaaary

I brought 2010 in classy as usual, with my last memory of the evening being knocking a Jenga game over in my attempt to “keep dancing”, i.e., trying to stay awake and balance.  Let’s just say my drive home from Manhattan to Brooklyn the next day was not pleasant.

Anywho, our neighbors have been celebrating their holidays in style, as for about the 10th time since school let out (she’s a teacher, he a photographer) we heard the can-only-be-one-thing moaning and  creaking above our bedroom. I mentioned to Will that I think they might have just gotten engaged.  Will quickly needed to know why I thought this and was a little perturbed that I hadn’t shared my hypothesis and supporting reasons.

Because, you see, somehow over the past month Will has become the building yenta.  In drips and drabs he’d start mentioning how neighbor A is visiting his boyfriend in DC. And how neighbor B has a much higher than usual electric bill. And how it took neighbor C 2 hours to get over the GW after Christmas. Oh, and Neighor D usually makes black eyed peas and cabbage on New Year’s day (Will was hoping for an invite)… he must be from the South.

And so Will's new nickname is born. Welcome, Jackee.

He’s even been racing the old lady neighbor to shovel the snow out front, and has befriended her so that she continues to leave toys for our dogs at our stoop.  I’m afraid to go back to work and come home to find a canasta tournament going on in the apartment.

Ice Hot Squalls season tickets on sale now!

In an attempt to keep myself occupied while there is hockey on TV, I busted out the whiteboard

A peek into the "If you had a new hockey team, what would you name it" brainstorming session.

As you can see, the names started falling under the categories “Hockey related” ” Olde Timey” ” War” ” Occupuations”* and “Eskimo/ Cold weather related”

In the end, we think the SQUALLS win it alllllllll!

* Yes, I realize “Mercenaries” and “Emperors” are a stretch under the Occupations category, and that Millers should be there. You can’t disturb a good brainstorm

Olympic Fever

“I’ll start looking for a job after the Olympics. I like the Olympics” — Will