Must-Skip TV

Hollie has a hard time refusing any market research related activity (ie. focus groups on ANYTHING). We received a call two weeks ago about participating in a “fun” study around a “new sitcom” and Hollie excitedly agreed. I use quotes around “new sitcom” because at today’s Home Office Lunch Hour, we viewed the DVD (today was our assigned day to watch it) and the show was neither new nor funny.

poor guy is now forever immortalized and incessantly mocked on message boards. Although the show is getting more burn than if it actually made it to the network!

Over  sloppy joes , we watched some sloppy tv  - The Rocky Laporte Show. Wow – what a disaster.  It was so formulaic of a CBS family sitcom, it almost seemed fake.

- slightly overweight, likeable, boorish husband: check
- snarky but loving wife who gets angry when husband doesn’t celebrate anniversary but in the end loves him for him – check!
- sidekick “buddy” who provides many of the better one liners: check
- two kids: one know it all older child who tries to give Dad advice; one dorky younger kid: check

Looks like the copyright on this failed sitcom was 2006. Hol and I quickly surmised that this research had nothing to do with the show and everything to do with the commercials. We found message boards and various blog posts supporting our theory (and lambasting this show). Market Research Co X must’ve purchased this debacle from CBS and appear to have been using this for the last 4 years.

We’ll see tomorrow when we get the follow up call, but I really really really hope I am wrong so I can hear Hollie’s responses to detailed questions about Rocky Laporte’s  plot, character development and potential story arcs.

What you miss out on at the Home Office

The HR lady from the company I’m doing contract work for… remotely… just sent out an email to all. Announcing that they are ordering in pizzas for everyone for lunch.

At least it's Boston pizza...how good could it be

Just sloppy joe leftovers in the home office!

O.M.G. Did you see that play!

I have my own bet going on for the football games today… How many texts will and his friends will exchange durig th Jets game. Like teenage girls. I initially said 11, but he’s 2/3 there only in the second quarter.

Maybe he’ll read Twilight during halftime.

Ghosts of cubicle dwellers past

I sat in an un-cleared out desk of an unfortunate predecessor.  Just as the gloom of vacant walls and vacant stares was getting to me, I saw sign of life tacked up to the cubicle wall:

Whoever sat here developed some sort of point system for items found on desks in the office. Did he play this game with coworkers? Was this his own personal game, developed to keep some element of fun in his day,like prisoners mark the days on the wall with slashes in old timey movies? I don't know, but it seems like something I would do. Kindred spirits. I bet that SOB is spending the winter in Costa Rica or something.

Of course, I’d have some modifications. For one, giving points for a phone is bunk, since everyone has one. And I don’t quite understand the high point value for a paper clip cup, though that’s kinda funny.  And I’d like to add a 500 point bonus for any picture of a celebrity hung up.*  And maybe a bonus for a calendar featuring animals (not in an animal rights way, in a “oh, look at the fluffy kittens” lame way).  Anywho, me and my former work friend Judy would have a multilayered point value system in place, and it would be competitive.** I like it! 

Yes, I’m making myself feel better about possibly reentering the work force.

* There was a girl at my old company who had Freddie Prinze Junior tear outs all over her desk. That would have been a gold mine.
** Btw, oh dear god, it is really hard to concentrate with all the gabbing, gossip, and giggling that takes place in an office. I deeply apologize to all former colleagues, as I am quite aware that that’s usually me. Between the Match.com date recaps, weekend plan summaries, Girl Scout cookie transactions… How do people work in these places?!!!!   Get me back to the home office!

I want my jammies

I’m in a real life office today. As awful as I remember! How did people ever think this was a suitable place for human beings to spend their day?

At least there’s coffee!

Slow news day: Fun things I learned about my purse on the subway

I’m done with the book I was reading and found myself with some time on my hands on the F train from Brooklyn to Manhattan. I spent some of my time avoiding the homeless woman who had shat herself and was moving car to car despite my attempts to stay one ahead of her. When that was done, and I searched through my bag. Two things learned:

Keep away from fat! I remember once me and my friend stole about 6 dozen fried garlic bread sticks from the Hauppague Pizza Hut lunch buffet. I don't think I could do that with this bag. Growny uppy.

Also:

Oh nuts, that wasn't trial sized hand moisturizer! And I put it on right before shaking an interviewer's hand. You know, I thought it was watery.

Coffee war of 2010

As with any office, the pulse of the Home Office relies on coffee.  It’s brewed before the morning dog walk, and sometimes even consumed while we lazily just let the dogs out the back, blaming the weather.  On average we brew 2 pots a day, usually filling it at the 7 cup mark on the Krups. We drink it out of big mugs. I thought everything was just fine, until Will woke up one day and said those dreaded words:

“I think we’re drinking too much coffee”

I rolled my eyes and gathered my defenses, because I knew what happened and what was coming. Either he read something somewhere, or he himself hadn’t been feeling well and decided to blame coffee. But, much like the Great Gym Push of 2009, once he has something in his head he was going to be a single minded prick and try to make me do something I didn’t want to do. In this case… drink decaf.

The new coffee bar. The secondary measuring cup is necessary because rare is the day that I can keep track of how many scoops I've put in the filter from start to finish. I start filling it up, but then start thinking of something else (ideas!) and have to dump it out and start over. I should be on medication. Or at least FULL CAF COFFEE.

Yeah, so Will implemented, without any vote, the “Half Caf” coffee brewing procedure. We got all this Gevalia coffee for Chrismukkah, so the idea is to blend it with the decaf. Let’s just say that I’ve been more eager than usual to make the coffee, so that I have control of the caf/ decaf ratios.

This new [ridiculous] rule has also made me much more motivated to do the food shopping. Because inside the Pathmark is a Dunkin Donuts. And inside that Dunkin Donuts is a large full caf coffee with my name on it. For extra spite I get half and half instead of skim. Last week I came in the apartment doing a dance, spinning around, then took out my empty DD coffee cup. I believe the word “sucka” might have been uttered.

Let’s hope this phase passes quickly.

Worth having a baby just to try this

Our friends introduced us to DJ Hero this past weekend. It’s pretty awesome. Even more awesome is that the male half of the couple, say we call him Josh, jazzed up his DJ turntable with an aftermarket skin.

There is something incredibly refreshing about a 33 year old buying a $15 decal for their fake DJ turntable. "I thought shipping was included," was his defense

Anwho, after seeing how good my girlfriend is at the game, Will promptly suggested that she play DJ Hero– and only play DJ Hero– for the full 3 hours that her new babysitter is at the house each day.  That’s it. No work. No emails. No radio. No reading. No cooking. No paying attention to the baby. Just play DJ Hero. While some 22 year old is changing the baby’s diaper in the next room. That night she thought that was a great idea, but I have a feeling she might have chickened out and actually did some work. Lame O.
DJ Hero is awesome, I can’t get my “My Name is”/ “Loser” remix out of my head.  It’s also fun because there is no end to the Sam Ronson jokes, of which we have a surprising number of in our repertoire.

I’ll have a pizza with extra gimmick, please

Someone commented to me on Facebook, “You live in Brooklyn, but ordered Domino’s pizza?” Why yes, yes I did.

All hail the Domino's pizza tracker, perhaps the best application of the Internet since porn

Tempted by their 2 pizzas for $5.99 promo, I was elated when the above pizza tracker was emailed to me after I placed my online order.  It tells me precisely what time my pie is processed, made, put in the oven, QC’d* and sent out for delivery, and who exactly is doing each step.  It’s riveting. I’m not kidding. Although the guys didn’t quite appreciate me interrupting the Jets playoff game with updates, a la, “GUYS, GUYS!!! Jonathan just put our pizzas in the oven!!”

So yes, it’s enough for me to order from Domino’s, even though I live in the pizza capital of the world. Must be the Long Island in me.

* Quality control needs a little Quality Control itself… our “pepperoni/ green pepper” came with sausage instead of the meat we selected. Jonathan’s “double check” is a bit questionable. We have a free pie credited to our account, though I’d have to call, eliminating my ability to track my pizza. Don’t know if it’s worth it.

And this, son, is how you get picked for a focus group

A timely follow up to the recounting of my side career as a focus group attendee…

I was thinking that it would have been funny if we had a camera ready when the focus group lady called the other day. Lucky for everyone, I got another screener call as I was hoping into the shower– sexy!–  and the camera was ready.

Watch and learn the steps to successfully getting selected for a focus group, with a real time demo. It could use some editing, but I’m lucky to have my computer on for 5 minutes at a time without blue screening.